Having discovered that the world record for eating M&Ms with chopsticks, while blindfolded, stands at just twenty of the multi-coloured sweets in one minute, I have commenced a period of intensive training.
The record sounds quite achievable and, fortunately, there is a training course next month which should help me to set a new record very soon. Entitled ‘Eat Like a Champion’, the evening with Dr George Wilson has been arranged by Racing Welfare and will take place at Hawick Rugby Club on Tuesday evening 18th September.
Dr George Wilson has helped lots of riders, including Champion Jockey Tony McCoy, to reach their full potential by giving them advice on nutrition and healthy eating while maintaining a low weight. According to Lucy Ryan, the local welfare officer for Racing Welfare, anyone associated with horseracing will be welcome at the event including existing or aspiring jockeys, stable staff, point-to-point riders, trainers and riders from other disciplines.
Quite what Dr Wilson knows about eating M&Ms with chopsticks, I’m not entirely sure. But I’m really looking forward to hearing what he has to say about tactics for devouring the World’s longest noodle – which was just a shade under two miles long when it was extruded in China last October. Or how to blow bubble-gum bubbles exceeding 20 inches in diameter, as achieved by Chad Fell nearly four years ago.
Of course it’s all very well, for the horseracing industry, to promote healthy eating in a town like Hawick – a well-known hotbed of talented young jockeys – but I wonder whether the organisers have considered the impact on local businesses such as Erdol’s Fish and Chip Bar, Gino’s Takeaway (where they bake fantastic Nutella pizzas) or JJ Express, where my preferred dish is the chilli sticky ribs. These top Borders eateries could be hard hit by loose talk about watching one’s weight…
And I hope that Dr Wilson isn’t going to tell the jockeys that they can’t partake of the Sticky Toffee Puddings that they’ll win at Cartmel this Saturday and Bank Holiday Monday – a long tradition implemented by one of racing’s most loyal sponsors. Our selection, for the first race on Saturday, is the Jimmy Moffatt trained The Steward, who has been placed on all his starts at Cartmel this season. A little bit of butterscotch sauce could help jockey Brian Hughes to stay in the plate – especially if he spreads a thin layer on the saddle.
Quite apart from all the information about healthy eating for riders, I’m sure there’ll be some advice on how to really eat like a champion – like how to eat more than 17.7lbs of cows’ brains in a quarter of an hour, or more than 6lb and 9oz of cabbage in nine minutes. Hmm, now there’s a question – which would you rather??
So if you’re a rider, the parent of a rider, or even just an interested observer, please contact Racing Welfare for more information about the ‘Eat Like a Champion’ evening in Hawick on 18th September (the evening before Kelso’s first race-meeting of the 2018/19 season). Light refreshments will be provided – although be prepared to eat them blindfolded, with chopsticks, against the clock.