The coronation of King Charles III is almost upon us. I’ve bought the balloons, the Union Jack paper cups, and some miniature flags that’ll adorn the Coronation Quiche that we’ll devour during the television coverage.

In a ceremony that will be laden with symbolism, the King will pledge “to foster an environment in which people of all faiths may live freely” – including, one hopes, people who put their faith in horseracing…

Will the bookmakers even be able to find my house? After all, the DPD delivery driver can’t. It took eight days and five failed attempts before he finally dropped my latest Amazon order a mile down the road at someone else’s address…

Etiquette generally prohibits the disclosure of private conversations with members of the royal family.

So when a presenter from ITV Border News asked me, on Monday, whether Princess Anne had offered any tips for the races at Kelso’s Bicentenary Raceday, I politely observed that Her Royal Highness appeared to have enjoyed meeting last weekend’s Grand National winner Corach Rambler and had spoken enthusiastically with jockeys, racehorse trainers, owners and stable staff…

From the Ten Commandments to the two-hundred year old grandstand at Kelso, things that are carved in stone are generally intended to last for a long time. The whole idea is that they have a sense of permanence. Although it turns out that carved stone can be a lot less permanent than one might think…

The next meeting at Kelso Racecourse will be staged exactly two centuries and one day after the inaugural fixture at the track which took place on 16th April, 1823.

Staged on the Flat, the winner of the final heat (the entire programme consisted of several heats of the same race) was Mr R Johnson’s Sir Thomas, ridden be Captain Campbell beating four others by a head.

Spring is in the air and suddenly, it seems, absolutely everything is on the rise: from sea levels to bank interest rates, from the price of dog food to sap in the trees, and from the standard of local accommodation to the stock of northern jumps trainers…

As I write this, on Friday morning, we’re three quarters of the way through the Cheltenham Festival: three days down, one to go. Just a few small tweaks and I’m sure the meeting could reach perfection.

Here are the only ten things that I hate about Cheltenham…

A hoarder by nature and not particularly interested in filing, I have at least four letter trays on my desk – none of which I can see, obscured as they are by overflowing paperwork.

At the last count, I had 54,778 e-mails in my inbox and 16,644 in my sent folder – suggesting that you may need to write to me three-and-a-half times before I’m shamed into replying…

Don’t get me wrong, I really love the Cheltenham Festival (almost more than life itself), but there are so many reasons why you’d be better visiting Kelso this weekend instead…

Do you have a child, grandchild or partner who doesn’t know the difference between a hurdle race and a steeplechase?

Well, the good news is that a recently published survey shows that it’s not too late for them to learn…