Twas the night before Christmas and all through the racecourse,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a racehorse;
Seating was placed round the enclosures with care,
In hope that crowds would soon be permitted there;
But concern about Omicron filled the Government with dread,
Prompting new spectator limits of only five-hundred.
Here’s hoping that Santa can make it all better,
If we make our request in a polite enough letter…
Dear Father Christmas,
We’re all so pleased that Greenland is no longer on the Covid red-list and we’re so looking forward to you visiting tonight – on condition that you can demonstrate that you’ve been triple vaccinated, that you use the hand sanitiser provided and remember to wear a facemask.
You will be permitted to remove your mask while drinking the dram that has been left by the fireplace in the Jockeys’ Changing Room – but only if you sit down while doing so.
Most of the team at the racecourse have behaved really well this year (if you ignore the boss – which they mainly do). We’ve complied with all the extra-strict Scottish Covid controls and it’d be nice to get a bit of a break – so please could you find your way to fixing the following gifts for us this Christmas and for the rest of 2022:
- Speedy evidence that the Omicron variant is less harmful than previous versions of Covid – that might be just enough to encourage everyone to get back to normal before our valuable fixtures in February and March.
- A couple of dry days ahead of the next meeting on 29th December.
- Some warmer weather to aid early seed germination and grass growth on the track.
- Good to soft ground in March.
- About £4 million to build a new Weighing Room building with additional space to entertain racehorse owners.
- Another £6 million to build a new grandstand.
- A shiny new tractor from Paxtons.
- A never-ending supply of whisky for the Stewards’ Tower (not the bit where the actual stewards stand, just the floor below where we take the sponsors to watch each race).
Also, I know I’m possibly getting greedy as my standard bet is only £2, but please could I also have a betting slip with the words: £5 each-way double, followed by the names: Saint Calvados (this weekend’s selection in the King George VI Chase) and Not So Sleepy (in the Christmas Hurdle).
Many thanks and good luck,
Jonathan
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”